When I was 16 years old, I went to my conventional medicine doctor to investigate my lower back pain, found out I had a pilonidal cyst, and then had it surgically removed.

(I’ll wait here while you go Google it…)

I had been given the option to treat with antibiotics, have it lanced under local anesthesia in the doctor’s office, or have it surgically removed under general anesthesia.

I chose surgery because I thought it was the “quickest” and most efficient fix given the options my doc presented me with.

It was my first ever surgery under general anesthesia.

This necessitated a several-month-long healing process, which included cleaning and bandaging the open wound on my body, pain medications, and minimal movement (aka no basketball for this angsty teen athlete).

I once again went to a doctor, this time to consult with an Osteopath seemingly on the “edges” of conventional medicine, with more discernment, curiosity, and a healthy amount of wariness.

I had spent most of my late 20s and all of my 30s consulting with naturopaths, functional medicine docs, acupuncturists, and other non-conventional holistic practitioners.

I went to an Osteopath mostly because I didn’t have the finances to access the non-conventional and holistic providers that I preferred.

The Osteopath encouraged me to first take a round of topical and oral antibiotics, then to wait and see if I’d need to lance or surgically remove.

Most parts of my body said a hard “NO!” to the antibiotics, but I took them anyway.

(Yes, even I, the one who lives “sacred NO!” sometimes bypass these important signals).

I also reached out to a former naturopath and mind-body coach I’d worked with to consult about alternative options, and began doing Bentonite clay packs at night, and taking CBD on occasion for pain, in addition to the antibiotic treatments.

The infection cleared out completely within a few weeks, and then I was tasked with repairing my wrecked digestive tract and hairline.

The antibiotics had trashed my gut microbiome and also took vital nutrients from my body, resulting in hair loss on my head, which did not begin growing back until about 9 months later.

I am currently without health insurance or a primary conventional or non-conventional medicine doc, and without access to surgical procedures, antibiotics, or any other sort of pain med script.

And while parts of me are spinning and cycling under outdated fear-based scripts that quite literally run through my bloodlines, other parts of me are downright giddy with excitement about the possibilities here.

I know that symptoms and dis-ease are my body’s way of speaking to me about something that needs to shift - a gentle reminder that my work in this particular area is not done yet.

So for today, before consulting with any outside source, I visit with this angry little cyst one more time and prioritize movement and breathwork, clay, propolis, and castor oil packs, letting emotions rise and fall as they do, and re-mind myself what my body already knows:

I am healing.

No, this is not hyper-individual “lone wolf” strategy I am uplifting.

This is a reclamation of YOUR power and discernment, of your sacred knowing.

Docs, therapists, practitioners, spiritual advisors, friends, family, etc. will be there to consult with when YOU are ready to.

And that’s what they are there for.

To consult. To advise.

If something feels “off” about their advice, you get to follow that nudge and sink into your own truth.

This practice has taken me DECADES to learn, and clearly I’m not done with the learning yet 😉

Am currently holding hope and gratitude alongside my grief and rage at the return of my angry little cyst messenger 🐦‍🔥

Disclaimer:

I am not trying to poo-poo conventional med docs out there.

I know they are often trained in very specific ways to see and treat symptoms and diseases in a silo and focus mostly on physical healing.

(Of course there are always exceptions to this and if YOU are the exception, thank effing goodness for your presence)

I am a human who journeyed in the conventional med world for the majority of my childhood and early 20s, and appreciate the remedies and healing it brought me and those I love.

And also, I’m angry that I didn’t know any different, that I wasn’t provided with alternative care options, and more importantly, that I was NEVER encouraged to tune into my own body’s wisdom, which resulted in a lifetime of outsourcing my power to docs that were highly intelligent but NOT tuned in to my particular needs.

I am also not here to praise and uplift non-conventional practitioners, many of whom unknowingly perpetuate harmful fear-based practices and outsourcing of personal power that conventional medicine tends toward.

I am here to uplift and encourage YOU to tap into your inner wisdom before outsourcing your power.