Yup, that’s right.

I didn’t even wash my hair last night, even though I have a spa-like showerhead.

I also love the smell of fresh-cut grass.

I also slept like a fucking rock the other night, and woke up pain-free, clear, and focused.

I also just healed my pilonidal cyst without medical intervention.

Stick around for approximately 2 minutes, and I’ll tell ya.

First, let’s back up, in case you’re new here…

I’m a human who was diagnosed with Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome (CIRS), oftentimes called “mold illness” or “biotoxin illness” in September of 2021.

At that time, I was told that I had a genetic mutation that would likely impact me for the rest of my life and that I needed to follow a protocol that is incredibly expensive and mostly inaccessible to address only my physical symptoms.

I tried it for a couple of years, and it had a significant impact in reducing many of my physical symptoms. I am grateful that this protocol exists and that it took me as far as I could go in addressing the physical dimension of healing.

What I didn’t realize at the time is that I also picked up information from doctors and other CIRS patients alike, which reinforced my pre-existing fear-based programming that I then internalized as truth.

I’m not even going to write out the fear-based programming here because I am actively reprogramming it as part of my quantum healing journey right now, and I certainly don’t want to pass it on to you.

What I am willing to share is that during those first couple of years of my CIRS healing journey, I began introducing rituals and practices into my life from a place of deep mistrust in my own body and my environment.

When I approach my healing, and life in general, from a fear-based place, my world becomes a lot smaller and honestly… more challenging.

Symptoms begin to flare more, and I often find myself spinning in circles, mostly chasing my tail or something that looks similar to it.

When I remember to surrender to whatever is, to approach even the gnarliest of “symptoms” with openness and curiosity, and to “let the chips fall where they may,” it often accelerates my healing journey exponentially.

My world expands and things get surprisingly “easier,” and not “easier” as in pain-free and roses and butterflies, but more well-equipped to ride the waves and be present to this wild and playful, mundane and sometimes monotonous, full-spectrum life that I get to live.

These new (integration of old) practices and experiences are all a result of surrender and actually doing less, which creates more space to do what I love.

Less time washing my hair at night and more time spent cuddling my babe of a partner.

Less time avoiding one of my favorite smells in the entire world, which I even wrote a poem about in elementary school, and more time relishing in it.

Less time stressing about and practicing all of the bedtime routines and more time restfully sleeping.

Less time scheduling and consulting with doctors and more time tapping into my body’s innate healing abilities.

Am I grateful for the lessons that CIRS, and mold, have brought me?

Heck yes.

Has it been a helluva road to get here, filled at times with resentment and self-judgment and rage and fear?

You betcha.

Would I change any part of it?

Nah.

Am I asking you to do exactly what I’ve done?

Oh fuck no. You get to do YOU!

Am I here to support you as a creative and/or spiritual coach as you invite surrender into your journey?

YES YES YES!

INVITATION(S)

The following are all invitations and not prescriptive.

You might choose to journal about or create art from them, or turn on some music and dance to express them (like we do monthly on the Danceground!).

You get to choose how much or little you want to engage.

You can stop at any time, dive deep, ignore them completely, chat up a friend, or we could explore these in 1:1 coaching relationship together.

1. I invite you to consider what fear-based practices or programming are currently on repeat in your life.
   
   Hint: You might be able to find some of this programming in the rituals or routines you’ve created for yourself over the years to protect yourself, in particular if these practices originated from stressful or traumatic events.

2. If you feel comfortable, I invite you to have a curious chat with the parts of yourself, often the self-preserving or protective parts, who put these practices in place. Take your time with this and try to be patient with what you learn from them.
   
   You might ask them what purpose they hoped these practices would serve. You might also ask them what positive intent they have for you by putting these practices into place. Writing or speaking out loud what immediately comes to mind without editing is often a great way to get a “response” from your parts. It’s also okay if nothing comes to mind.
   
   

3. If this feels true for you, I now invite you to thank the part(s) of yourself for doing the best they could to keep you safe all this time, and let them know that while you appreciate all they’ve done for you, you no longer need these practices, that your higher self is working to create new practices to serve your highest good.
   
   

4. When you’re ready, I invite you to write or say out loud, “I surrender to what is, release outdated fear-based programming, and welcome practices that support the full spectrum life that I get to live!”

I encourage you to take your time to live into this last invitation. Try to remain open and curious to the ways that the Universe/God/Creator/Spirit/YourSelf is inviting you to surrender and release fear-based programming.

Of course, I’d love love love to know how this goes for you, whether you click “reply” on this email or tell me about it in a coaching session!